Today marks ten more days with crutches and the boot (best case scenario). I can count them on my hands! YIPPEE!!!!
Even when there seems to be an end in sight, my brain is plagued with fear and sadness. So many things in my life seem to make me sad and afraid. I don’t say this for pity, it’s just an observation. Life is messy and unpredictable. I am broken in a broken world. It makes me long to be with my Jesus—paradise, with no fear, no tears, no pain, and no heartache—but, until then, I am here. I know He is fighting for me, and He has MADE me STILL for His glory and His name’s sake. There is peace in knowing this, and knowing that when I feel like I can’t, He ALWAYS can.
PRAISE. THE. LORD.
I have been needing that in my prayer life too. Sometimes, I literally cannot find the words to speak; yet, He knows me. He knows my heart. So thankful for the Holy Spirit who intercedes for me.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words.
I was reminded this Sunday in church that just because I want so badly to know and to understand why things happen, Jesus doesn’t always make them clear. He is working for His good in light of eternity, not for my pride or success or happiness. In the midst of mystery, He promises that I am never alone, and His plan cannot be thwarted.
“We’re all just trying to make sense out of suffering. You say I am blessed because of this. I choose to believe: as I carry this cross, You carry me.” – Audrey Assad, Carry Me
“The stars in the sky will hang there ’til You tell them to. The faith of my heart will still sing of what Your love can do. Even when life weighs heavy on me, I know You’re in control and You’re all I need.” – Kari Jobe, Stars in the Sky
Singing brings so much healing. Every chance I get, I put on songs like the ones above, and the words melt me. As I am singing, the truth in the songs resonate in my heart and mind. Sometimes the singing brings laughter and a huge smile on my face, and other times, I find my eyes filled with tears and my heart filled with emotion I didn’t even know I had in that moment. I feel most at peace during those intimate times with the Lord.
Still praying for that faith to receive His incredible. To be able to live my life surrendered to His will. Asking for the strength to hold the things I think give me security, with open hands. I want Him. I want my actions and thoughts to be an overflow of my love for Him. He is my Rock whose perfect love drowns my fears.
Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
I can’t see it yet, but He makes a way when there seems there is no way. I’ve seen Him do it! He WILL bring me through this and carry me close to His heart while doing so.